On this wretched, blessed, hellish, heavenly, dreaded, joyous, painful, pain-free, heart-breaking, healing, unbearable, gracious, breathtaking in every sense of the word day last year, at 6:23 am, our pride and joy, our treasure, our whole world breathed his last machine-induced, labored breath on this broken planet and entered paradise.
And all I can do is cry.
Cry thanksgiving to the Lord for rescuing him.
Cry angry tears to the Lord for taking him.
Cry for my arms, which will always be empty, even when filled with two more babies to come.
Cry for my family, who have a grandchild, nephew, cousin that they don’t get to journey alongside in this life.
Cry for my son, who lived the hardest live I’ve witnessed and didn’t get to squint in the sun or gaze at the stars, or feel the wind on his soft cheeks, or wonder at zoo animals, or eat when he was hungry.
Cry because he’s now with the Maker of the sun and stars, he’s in the lap of the One who controls the way the wind blows, he’s snuggling with the lion and the lamb, he’s feasting at the dinner banquet.
Remember Benjamin with me today. Be reminded that life is short and so very temporary. Know that this earthly journey matters so much–but it’s only a journey, it’s not our home. Know where you’re going–where your home is. Who you pledge allegiance to.
Thank you, Benjamin, for being a willing lamb and living a life of sacrifice. I would give anything to have you back here, but I know that “better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere.”
Thank you, Lord, for being a willing lamb and being the perfect sacrifice, promising those who trust in You that our home will forever be with You and with other believers. Give us the steadfastness to ride out this tension-filled life, with all of its contradicting adjectives, until we’re in Your presence, and to increase Your kingdom of believers while we wait for Your return.
“About Benjamin He said:
‘Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him,
for He shields him all day long,
and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.’”
-Deuteronomy 33:12
Lessons from Benji 